Couples Therapy

If a couple comes to me and asks how I can help them, first I would want to know the issues they are hoping to work out in therapy.

Typically with couples, it’s about intimacy and help with communication. Often they need to learn how to communicate in a more open and honest way. Sometimes, they also need insight into what has been creating the distance between them; sometimes it’s just about communication; and of course, sometimes it’s about sex and intimacy.

I try to help the couple notice and identify where their communication is falling short. I work to help them get out of their recurrent communication trap: when people do the same things over and over, it can feel like a trap with no progress ever being made.

Because I have expertise in substance abuse, I frequently work with couples in which one person is an addict and the issues are addiction, codependency, and enabling, which can also lead to emotional reactivity. Often times it’s about unhealed relationship wounds.

When I work with couples, it’s really important that I actually get to know both of them individually. Although I don’t meet with them individually, I do spend some time getting to know each member of the couple. Sometimes just hearing our conversation can help the other partner. Then, we can dig into any old wounds, trauma, or any patterns of communication that might be affecting the current relationship.